Maybe I'm just seasonally affected this week. Either way my use of it's lately been haphazard, frustrating, tic-like, often pointless. I think I'm in danger of 'going native', losing sight of my own premises/incentives and succumbing to a compulsive attachment, whereby hookups are sought as their own reward and not from any preexisting social-sexual drive. Not an effort of actualisation and affirmation, which I'd have previously classed all of my sexual encounters as. Instead becoming something counterproductive, conflicted and desperate.
It's nauseating me this week.
So much so I redressed my personal liquor ban and sought the company of fellow gay men in a bar where more general interests underlaid the conversation, not to mention the nuances of bodily presence (yet to be emulated by an app).
It's really brought out the misanthropist in me over the last few days. I've regressed to the homicidal fantasy of my teen years, a minds-eye littered with dead fags (cough, allowed to say that) whose sexual inanity is likewise killing me in agonising bits. And bigotry; 'no uglies, no Indians, no Asians, no chubbs'. I feel disheartened. Am I being naive?
I feel like this app could defer the moment of positive encounter with a community for anyone intimidated by 'designated areas' such as gay bars, offering an effortless solution to personal resistance to those cues and subsequent identities. And needless to say I don't think this is a good thing. Grindr could end up entirely preventing the right kind of someone from constructive engagement with other gay men, experiences a person could benefit from. Especially a younger person maybe still transitioning from one kind of life into another, gradually taking ownership of their sexuality and orientation etcetera. To that kind of person grindr is a set of overweening training wheels.
No comments:
Post a Comment