Curating and Cocks

So I had my third grindr related hookup that spanned two nights, having both enjoyed the others company and also being too convenient location wise. Follow ups will ensue frequently, I predict. And if I was in the market, which I'm not ('The Market' being the framework of those singletons inclined to monogamy), then I'd be preemptively filing this one under 'Keeper'.  Instead, I'm just describing a nice guy I had a really nice time with who I might spend even more time with, but not to the exclusion of other nice guys who piqué my interest in similar (but not identical) ways. 

Firstly, I loved his space. A single-apartment whitewashed and minutely furnished, a meticulous economy of limited space giving the impression it was larger than it was, sparse ornamentation but the pieces he had were cool. Almost curatorial. Cerebral. A Virgo.

I had to forego my usual ice-breaking cigarette which is my method of relaxing into foreign social terrain (the prop being a kind of misdirection) because his dwelling had an overly sensitive alarm system, or so he told me the first night, permitting me to smoke the following evening maybe because he'd decided I was worth the allowance. 

I was a lot more distracted and less charged sexually this time round, maybe because the novelty had already worn off, a premature summation of this grindr thing. Anyway the first evening of sex lacked actual penetration, was petting and stuff, a supplement to the easy conversation. 

It wasn't until the second night I fucked him, and even then I'd been working so hard that day at my various jobs I aborted midway, with apologies. He said he was fine with that and we resumed the spooning. 

And yet, falling short of expectation physically, that 'date' left a better after-taste than the guy previous, Mr. Too Much Cologne. The experience was somehow more fulfilling, despite the conventional lack of 'sex'. 

Because sex is defined by penetrative acts right? Without penetration, no sex has taken place. Right? 

If not, what's the measure of actual sex? Are oral/ handies merely sex acts skirting sex in its's standardised form, which is a penis entering an anus or a vagina, the former being 'anal sex' and it's own act peripheral to true Sex; a penis entering a vagina. Is homosexuality simply masturbatory, impotent diversion compared to sex proper? Is what lesbians do, in the absence of a penis, ever really sex?

I don't believe any of the above myself but do feel the idea of sex as an act is too hinged on ejaculate and penetration, a genitality that's fixedly male. Sex to me is any near-to-fully naked intimacy resulting in pleasure, with or without a literal fuck of someone's orifice and someone else blowing their load (I'm a fan of both). Gratification comes from shared vulnerability; and of the purely physical, sharing nakedness is to me a beautiful thing. Loves it. 

Even between gay men, there can be more to sex than a hard cock.